How do I pastor someone who is deconstructing?

Early pushback loses them permanently

Someone who has started asking hard questions has usually been asking them privately for a long time before you hear one. The first time they say it out loud is a test of whether it is safe to say the second one. Correcting quickly, even gently, answers that test in the wrong direction.

It is usually a person, not an argument

Very few people deconstruct because of a book. Most deconstruct because something happened — a leader who was not what they seemed, a prayer that went unanswered in the worst way, a church that closed ranks. The intellectual questions come later and are real, but they are rarely the root.

Honest uncertainty is more credible than a tidy answer

Saying you do not know, when you do not, buys more trust than any apologetic. People in this position have usually had enough confident answers. What they have not had is someone who could stay in the room without needing the question resolved.

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"— Mark 9:24

Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."— John 20:27